frustration

"Leadership is ultimately about creating a way for people
to contribute to making something extraordinary happen."
- Alan Keith

who is Alan Keith. I don't actually know. I googled for some guide about leadership and i came across this. I was lost.

I do not choose to be a leader. I am a poor one. Told my mother that i am a good 'koo-lee' but I cannot lead. She said is was too, in her working days. Maybe it runs in the family, I don't know. It is funny when most of your working experience, all you ever do is to follow or do what you're asked to do, and all these while you thought it applies to everybody else - well, you're wrong. I'm not saying that I am such a competent worker, but hey, I have done what they asked me to and I have done my job. Fulfilling requirements is hard enough (that's work after all) but asking or expecting other people to do the same is completely an insane thing to expect.

I am a poor leader for thinking by pleasing my little organization and doing most of the tasks required could solve things, could solve most of other things. I was wrong. I am not born with more than two hands. Even so, I cannot abandon the ship. I can't possibly do so.

Insane requirements and figures stresses me all the time and I somehow thought I could just suck it up all in. "Don't have to stress others", I would say to myself. But when Hopper comes in, I just couldn't help it. And when pressure hits the boat, Hopper's quote will pop into this puny mind "I see - under new management. So its YOUR fault!"

Its very insecure of me to burst into tears when pressure hits - hey, I am a woman after all. But looking at one of my sailors' tears running down her face...its just devastating. I felt useless. I am a failed leader. Running away will make from failed to worse. So I'll just stand here - looking like a loser.